Sharing in the sufferings: the Dyers’ journey.

this was written by a women who inspires, encourages and challenges me to have a deeper faith in God- to love him and to know him more. Thank you for this Sally Ann.


"Sam was first diagnosed with a brain disease on 1st April 2009. They said it definitely didn’t look like a tumour and, as he had no urgent neurological symptoms, continued to treat him for inflammation and raised intra-cranial pressure for 10 months, before a biopsy in January 2010 told us the shocking truth: he has a large grade 3 anaplastic asterocytoma growing in the right hemisphere of his brain. Martin and I both know enough medical language to immediately decipher this: a cancerous tumour is threatening our son’s life. It is slow-growing and has probably been present for some years and is so embedded in the brain it cannot be surgically removed. As parts of it have been found to be grade 3 (4 being the final stage) the best known conventional treatment was 30 days of radiotherapy with some mild accompanying chemotherapy tablets, to slow the growth of the most rapidly dividing cells. This gives him a medical prognosis of 3-4 years.

How to cope? The emotional reaction is so huge – and Sam’s is different to ours, of course. We have all been through the roller-coaster of coping mechanisms and emotions – disbelief, anger, fear, anxiety, overwhelming grief settling to deep sadness – with the test of faith following not far behind. “If God loves us, cares for us, how can He have allowed this to happen?” The big WHY that none of us has an answer to, that can make or break our faith. Sam has researched the entire internet for alternative and adjuvant treatments and we have pulled on every possible connection and relationship for support and prayer. The 7 weeks of treatment during Lent were grueling and exhausting – daily trips to the hospital as the roller-coaster was in full flow and our resources gradually diminishing… It was especially hard when the treatment seemed to do more harm than good, as Sam lost his taste and half his hair: the former will return but the latter probably not. And all this time no real evidence of the hidden menace, now that the drainage shunt they put in has relieved the high pressure caused by the mass in his head.

That is the nature of cancer, why it is so often found too late – it is a secret enemy. But the radiotherapy, along with Sam’s other options, should slow down those dividing cells, to give him more time – and considering all the faithful prayer as well, possibly a lot more time… So now that phase is over our battle is with the uncertainty, emotional exhaustion and sense of ‘vacuum’ left behind, the daily battle in the mind for peace and a way through when the future cannot be taken for granted: “How long O Lord?” and “What will happen?” I cannot plan and have no energy to return to ‘normal life’.

Meanwhile, Martin soldiers on caring for those he serves… Martin is a blood cancer specialist, researching cures for leukaemia and lymphoma and dealing with cancer patients day after day, often being the one to tell them they are shortly going to die. Against this backdrop of life experience, for many years in church we have seen Christians coping with the diagnosis of cancer in their families – most of the time not very well and sometimes living in denial until the day of death. We have always said, should it come to us, we would not take that approach – the presumptive claim of healing, the fear of suffering and death hidden away behind words of Scripture, the escape clause. There IS no fear in death – Jesus has conquered it! This is the very essence of our faith! We have eternal life in Him and will be embraced by the Father in a place of blessing forever: we of all people should be those who know how to die well. However, there is added poignancy here, because Sam is only 22, his life is being robbed from him, and it is not our choice, our future, but his that is at stake. Of course we must fight to see God’s promises fulfilled in him, to battle for all he’s called to be, to pull on the mercy and the promises of God. We cannot deny the possibility of the intervention of the Lord – in fact we are convinced of the absolute certainty of His Hand in every step of this journey. So… we have to find the middle way. The middle way means living with the tension of an incurable terminal diagnosis on one hand and the power of the Living God on the other. It means not letting go of the endless possibilities of the One who specialises in miracles, but at the same time facing the threat of an early death, the nearness of the end of life as we know it. Actually everyone is in this position all the time… it’s simply that we have seen it face to face. Most people ignore the fact of death, pretending to be immune; others have no choice as it devours poor communities or suddenly snaps up families in road accidents. We are in fact surrounded by a world of suffering and we as Christians are not exempt. God does not wave a magic wand on our behalf. Rather, and often because of the enemy of our souls and the battle we are in, we will all at some time in our lives find ourselves walking through pain and darkness – but always with Him. We are called to live our lives as Jesus did, sharing the fellowship of His sufferings as He shares in the sufferings of a fallen, hurting world – yet never giving up hope or losing sight of His victory. Why should we automatically expect healing when the person in the next bed with the same disease does not even have salvation?

This can be our intercession and our privilege, walking with the needy in Jesus’ footsteps – a painful road that refuses to deny the reality around us and chooses to identify with it. “Lord, let it be unto me according to your word”…and there’s the mystery of God! As in the book of Job, no reason or answer is given, but even in our pain we have chosen to believe that He loves us intimately in and through all of this, even though we cannot understand why we have to walk this path. If He will walk with us, carry us, then we can do it – and may it be for greater good and much glory to Him: “Your will not mine be done”. Yet we also KNOW God works miracles! Why not Sam? Surely it is time for the release of supernatural gifts?! I have spent the last few years praying for just such a season to break and I do believe it is fast upon us in this generation. No, I have not actually seen creative miracles in this country yet, but I have heard of His fame and am completely convinced that nothing is too hard for the Lord. HE is the Big ‘C’ - for Creator, not cancer! Come on, God! But even while stretching out in prayer for this, I cannot and will not pretend I have faith that I don’t have, or try to ‘pray in faith’ by some formula, or work it up. Words will not do it: faith is KNOWING. It is evidence before the fact (Hebrews 11v1), it is a gift of the Spirit, along with healing and miracles (1Corinthians 12v9), it is produced by hearing the word of God (Romans 10v17), that conviction that comes from His voice, His promise, to my heart. It cannot be my fault if ‘I do not have enough’ of it, anymore than it is my fault that God hasn’t given me a Porsche! This is not a time for guilt, but comfort… But in my weakness and distress I can ask for this gift and reach for the grace of the giver, in Whom I have faith, the One I trust and believe. I can listen for His words of promise and put my absolute trust in them. So we appeal to His mercy and do everything we know to do – asking, seeking, knocking, agreeing, anointing with oil and calling for the elders and those with attested gifts and ministry, praying the promises of Scripture and the words over Sam’s life.

We call for as much prayer as possible and encourage everyone to pray according to their faith and convictions. God is bigger, He is in control, He is our life and peace, and everything now is focused on this – a true test of our faith in His Love. I know He will work it out for good for us. I know He will be true to His word. I know He is faithful and will give us grace for each day of the journey – and I know that prayer does prolong life because I have seen it before. So our times are in His Hands and we submit to God as we resist the devil. It is a journey of mystery and trust. It’s a rhythm of pressing in and resting back, following the lead of the Spirit. And at this time we are so grateful for those who continue to faithfully intercede and hold up our arms as we are so weary. Everything has changed. We’re holding onto hope for dear life and taking each day as it comes. Exhausted we lean on Daddy/Mummy God. We trust for answered prayer and a way through, whatever happens in the end. We won’t pretend it is easy and we will share our journey with whoever wants to walk alongside us, because we desperately need those who will just love us in our suffering and loss. As parents this loss is acute, already there is mourning for the damage that has been done and what has not turned out as we would have hoped… But the Lord knows our tender hearts and is our Comforter. He helps us walk the middle way, the narrow way of faith, the tightrope between life and death. Thank you for walking with us."

6th May 2010